* No spoilers
Your favorite unsolicited personal guide is back!
I’ve decided to accept that my divine calling is helping people (asides roasting) —even if I need tons of help myself 😂
Netflix has definitely ousted TV but it isn’t always premium content. I’m here to help you save your data. If you come across any of the movies marked (X), just go to Google and read the summary. I suffered through them so that you may not. There’s also some movies/series you should definitely see. Let’s #RateNetflixMovies!
- Locked Up
Locked Up is a Spanish series about Macarena, a young, naive woman who misappropriated company funds for her boss on the account of her falling in love with him. She ends up getting the brunt of it and imprisoned in Cruz del Sur Prison with a high bail set. It highlights the ugly, unfiltered realities of female prisoners and prison officials.
Majorly, we get to see the transformation of a harmless woman into a feisty one in a bid to survive amongst the most dangerous criminals especially Zulema. It also explores lesbianism and uncertain sexualities. If you’re a fan of Nairobi from Money Heist, you’d love her more here.
When I try to put people on to this series and they mention Orange is the New Black, it annoys me because although I’ve not seen the latter, the thought of anything being compared to Locked up is incomprehensible. 💯 recommend!
- Oh! Ramona ❌
It is a Romanian coming-of-age movie as an awkward teenager, Andrei, develops into adulthood and explores his sexuality. (More like a low-budget Sex Education). It is a baseless story and lacks depth. I kept on watching hoping for something meaningful to happen yet hundreds of mbs later, nothing at all.
- Love is War
Omoni Oboli and RMD? Yes plssss!
A lovey-dovey couple run against each other as candidates of two major political parties in a gubernatorial election. It was done in a bid to spite the woman’s enemies but it turned out to be a disaster as their marriage and family get tested. It was tastefully done with everything on point and the right amount of comedy. Beautiful story and there’s nothing better than seeing women being portrayed as strong and powerful without a hint of crazy or bitter or overbearing. All points for this movie *ding ding ding!*✅
(Also recommend, Moms at War, Your Excellency).
- Celebrity Marriage ❌
I saw the trailer and I was pretty interested. The story is about a successful actress played by Toyin Aimakhu, with an abusive husband but keeps up the appearance of a perfect life to the outside world. It is (supposed to be) an exposé on celebrity marriages and its intricacies. The problem is me— I expected too much. Just another great idea executed blandly.
It’s the absolutely nothing for me.
Bollywood movie with Amitabh Bachchan in it and you’ve not seen it? O wrong nauuu!
A young, successful entrepreneur, Naina, gets accused of killing her lover after she was caught locked up with his body in a hotel room. She hires a top-tier lawyer to defend her and they both run through the events leading to the murder to solve the crime. The plot twist would blow your mind. It would make you realize sometimes you can’t see what’s right in front of you. Badla is a hit!!!
- Lagos Real Fake Life ❌
The movie is stringed around two broke friends who reside in Lagos and seek to attract wealthy women by posing to be rich. It seems to expose the fake lifestyles of many people who live in Lagos. I tried to give this movie a chance and the only good thing about it is the location (Lekki) which it was shot in. The beautiful houses almost distracted me from the mediocrity of the film.
First of all, this is a kind of movie you should watch on AIT where the TV cracks 80% of the time and the actors’ heads swirl into black, white and faint colors, not Netflix. Such a shallow storyline and unnecessary sub-stories. Waste of creative time. I’m forced to believe that the entire cast and crew had nothing productive to do with their time. Pls watch at your own detriment.
- Jane the Virgin
Jane Villanuela is a 23-year old, Catholic Latina woman (virgin) who gets pregnant after being artificially inseminated by mistake. She finds out the sperm donor is actually her boss and crush, much to her shock. Viewers are in for a beautiful telenovela and romcom. The culture of the Latina people is not left out as we see them switch between Spanish and English so smoothly. The biggest star of the show is the narrator, if I do say so myself. His pun and sense of humour keeps you glued.
I followed this series for years even before it started airing on Netflix and it has finally come to an end. If you don’t like it, I’ll return your data.
- The End of the Fucking World ❌
An unnecessary copy of You. I didn’t even try. I stopped after the first minute. I could gag the next time I stumble upon a white psychopathic movie.
* Update: A reader pointed out You actually aired a year before The End of the Fucking World so it’s not a copy. I just happened to watch You and like a million psycho movies before it. I heard it’s great. (Still not watching it though).
- Coffee and Kareem ❌
This is basically about a 12-year old (emphasis on 12) who is pissed about his mom dating a cop and tries to ruin the relationship. His plan backfires, exposing his family to a network of criminal activity. Nothing Nigerian about me likes this movie. The entire plot is nothing a slap from his mom could’ve prevented. I honestly don’t know how it ended because I didn’t even watch up to 20 minutes. You can, however, kindly help yourself if this story interests you.
- Insatiable ❌
One of the very first Netflix series I watched. Insatiable is about Patty, a girl who was constantly bodyshamed and bullied for being obese. She develops an eating disorder and finds herself way slimmer. She, hence, takes up pageantry to get back at those who were mean to her.
The episodes didn’t really connect for me so I stopped watching it. I, however, found out while researching that the show has been cancelled due to backlash for promoting fat shaming. Seems Netflix’s appetite for Insatiable isn’t quite insatiable.
What shall we be rating or roasting next?
Which of these movies have you seen or are you willing to see? Share your thoughts if you have a different opinion, and as usual, email@example.com for business talk or to ask for my account number for saving your data.