Self-help for the Cov-ignorant

(on air)
We have just been informed that there are five new cases of people being infected by Covid-19. There’s a doctor in the house to help us with preventive measures we can take. That would, however, come up after the commercial break. I remain Boluspeaks on 90.2 Speak your mind FM. Stay tuned!

This is a special message from the Federal Ministry of Spilling the Tea

Dear Citizens,

These are desperate times. News reaching us that people are disregarding the executive order to quarantine and avoid gatherings more then twenty people. Is the meaning of the word the problem? Members of this honorable ministry are unable to comprehend why there is so much negligence and have come up with a simplified safety guideline.

  • DON’T touch me: Tell that freak not to touch you. Greeting doesn’t pay your bills, we do.
  • No parte after parte:
    You may spend a considerable amount of time in hospital after hospital if you keep on partying in the manner that you do.
  • Wash your hands:
    Don’t be filthy! Wash your hands thoroughly as often as possible.
  • Hydrate: Drink as much water as you would if you were rearing fishes in your stomach. We need to keep you healthy regardless of your wish.
  • Turn yourself in:
    Time to pull those Hollywood moves by turning yourself in to the government when you start manifesting symptoms of the Corona virus.

Stay safe or we compel you!

Signed:
Federal Minister of Spilling the Tea,
Fareedah Afolabi.

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Welcome back! It’s still your favorite radio host, Boluspeaks. That was some serious message, don’t you think? *laughs* Now, I’ll be opening the phone lines for contribution…..