Top 9: January, what went wrong?

From failed resolutions to horrific horrific events (+you just may be the “fake” friend everyone cut off last year), we asked the lord for a Detty December and He gave us a Detty January. Here’s a rundown of events that made us go, “January, ki lo n happen?”

1. AUSTRALIAN BUSHFIRE

Australia has been battling with wildfires since September, with lives of over 30 people and 1 billon native animals lost. There are no exact statistics but many people were displaced with hundreds of property gutted. The capital region has since been declared a state of emergency.

2. US, IRAN/ WWIII THREATS

The globe was shaken by a World War III threat following President Donald Trump’s tweet (pictured above). On January 8, Iran launched a missile strike on Irbil and Al Asad bases in Western Iraq in response to the killing of Major General Qasem Soleimani by a United States drone strike. You know what I’m actually living for? The memes!!! Black Twitter was literally on fire. I hear some Black Americans are now seeking their African roots to escape being drafted oh well…

Smoooothhh!

3. TRUMP’S IMPEACHMENT

Donald Trump is unarguably the most controversial president living, known for his active Twitter usage and being potentially racist (and Nigerianist, yurrr! No visa for us again). Charging him with obstruction of Congress and abuse of power, The House has passed two articles of impeachment. His conviction trial is currently on going and to be concluded on Wednesday, February 5, 2020. Many Nigerians wonder if he’s actually going to be impeached. I can, however, assure you anyone would sell an arm to substitute BuBu for him.

4. ABULE EGBA/BALOGUN MARKET INFERNO

NNPC, Ekoro, Abule Egba

Nigerian Twitter was shut down following the tragic fire incidents in Abule Egba and must currently, Balogun market. There was no casualty recorded at Ekoro, Abule Egba. The inferno was caused by pipeline vandalism. A tradesman at Balogun market was, however, not so lucky as he lost his life in the fire. I can’t help but wonder if millenials are to blame for their excessive use of fire emojis. There you have it, (in YFN Lucci’s voice) everyday we lit!

5. KOBE BRYANT AND OKO OLOYUN’S DEMISE

Kobe Bryant and daughter, Gianna

Deep sigh Let me just drop it here that I never knew who Kobe Bryant was till his death. It was literally everywhere and I’m really shocked nobody posted about Oko Oloyun, popular traditional medicine practitioner whose herb, Yoyo Bitters, has been saving lives since 1900. He was gruesomely murdered in Oyo state while travelling from Lagos to Iseyin. Kobe, an American basketball player and Lakers legend died in an airplane crash alongside eight other people, including his daughter, Gianna. Really sad stories!

Oko oloyun

6. OUTBREAK OF CORONAVIRUS

Coronavirus has recently been declared to be a Public Health Emergency of International Concern (an unexpected extraordinary event capable of constituting public health risk) by the World Health Organization. First recorded in China, Coronavirus is a large family of viruses causing illnesses ranging from common cold to more severe respiratory syndromes. It is zoonotic which means it can be transmitted between animals and people. Stay hydrated and seek information about CoV. Meanwhile, shout-out to my Mushin people! The virus isn’t even in Nigeria yet and their mask game is already on fleek wawu😂2020 finna be littttt!

7. BILLIE’S HELLISH VICTORY AT THE GRAMMY’S

Baddd guyyy!

It’s absolutely no news Billie bagged the Big Four awards at the 62nd Grammy’s: album, record, song of the year and best new artist. She’s the second artist and the first woman in Grammy history. The tragedy part?? Ariana Grande fans are angry ni! Plus Burna’s Grammy dreams were burnt as he lost to Angelique Kidjo. We found out she actually inspired his “Anybody” single. I hope he yelled from his seat, “Gbe Grammy e!”

8. ASUU, FG GO BACK AND FORTH


The crux of the entire gist is that the federal government has stopped releasing funds for the payment of salaries of lecturers who are not enrolled on the IPPIS. Apparently, many ghost workers won’t get that shmoney anymore haha! The academic staff union is trying to front using a strike threat. (Thanos, strike! ⚒️)

9. MARYAM SANDA’S DEATH SENTENCE

Maryam Sanda and late husband, Bilyamin

On to a more serious event, a video of Maryam Sanda being sentenced to death by hanging in The High Court of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja, recently went viral. She allegedly killed her husband in 2017 over claims of his infidelity and was charged under sections 221, 240 and 247 of the penal code. Maryam was granted bail in 2017 on grounds of her pregnancy and that she needed medical attention. She was, later, convicted of culpable homicide based on the doctrine of last seen, a rebuttable presumption that the person last seen with the deceased bears full responsibility of his death (where there is no explanation for the death or disappearance of the victim. How To Get Away With Murder fans swear she could’ve saved her ass had her attorney been Annalise Keating.

You win Jan-jan! We’re all in the mud. How about a sparkling clean February?
Do tell me what I missed in the comment section and await February specials🍭

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